when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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