my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
