12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
