dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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