He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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