kristin has been a bad kristin
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
