I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
