The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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