i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
