what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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