Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
