sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We're like a lot better than the average bears
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
