marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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