I can text with my tongue
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
