Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
