so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i came on her dog
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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