I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
