I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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