Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
