All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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