the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
tell me about the fingering
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