I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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