her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize