Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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