just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
