hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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