I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
