I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
pop tarts are not kleenex
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
