Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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