Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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