I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you had me at cake vodka
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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