it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this hospital has no fireball
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
