Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize