fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize