I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
