so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
