Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't deserve a penis
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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