Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
