I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
