My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
