i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
