the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
