I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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