i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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