I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize