this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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