at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
