even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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