Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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