3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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