put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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