I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
