I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
