To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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