I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
