So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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