I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
