he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
