if i can run in heels then i can drive
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
