I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
