i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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