i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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