He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
