Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
