woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
