Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
