jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
