it wasn't lemon gatorade
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
