i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize