I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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