Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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