I hate your face
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
