i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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