while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
