one might say we're banned from that church
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
