im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize