I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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