Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I see more hoeing in ur future
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize