She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
