The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
