So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
