i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize