remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
